a taboo topic.

i want to write about something that i just want to get off my chest - my future husband. no, i am currently not in a relationship with a guy and honestly, i know that God planned it that way because i need to focus on Him right now and the Call that He has on my life. no, i don't know when that "time" will come or if it will come. i really want it to come, but over this past summer i have laid all my desires at His feet, because i want to please Him and do His will, not mine. i want kids - oh, so badly. at almost twenty three, it pains me to see all my friends with their guy, engaged or married. it really does. i stare at the bride and groom at the altar and tear up lately. but i know when and if my guy comes it will be the right time when he shows up. i have promised myself that i will not settle in life, and just take the first guy that i see so that i can have my dream of being a wife and mom to a gazillion kids. i want to do Your will.
for all the people who have thought this, but haven't said anything for fear of hurting my feelings, i am fully aware that me leaving next year and consecrating myself to the Call He has placed on my life is narrowing down the pool of guys (haha, if i can call it that) to like one or two. but i so desperately want to be with that guy (if God wants me to) who is equally passionate about serving God in full-time missions and raising children in a home that exemplifies what parents are supposed to biblically. i don't just want to marry to be married. i want my marriage to be from God and serving Him with everything we have within us as one. i realize that God will have to send this guy my way who has this same love for missions as i do, but i trust Him. whether He sends me this guy or He wants me to remain single, i trust Him. it's not without sacrificing my desires, but i pray Your will be done.
BIG HAPPY SIGH. it's off my chest now. :)