today is a lot better than last week, by a bunch.

okay, so i’ve had a lot on my mind lately. and naturally, lots of things on your mind can weigh you down. i had this feeling that crept up last week, except if you’d asked me what was wrong i probably wouldn’t be able to explain it, because i honestly didn’t really understand it myself. but now i know. i kinda knew it at the end of last week too, but it was harder to accept than it is today. the topic: my “normal” may never be my “normal” again, in fact, i’m sure it won’t. but God will give me a knew normal, and it will be good.

a very sweet friend of mine wrote a blog post a few days ago, preceded by this one earlier in the week - including this same thing of her old ”normal” never being the same again after she moves to TN to pursue missions. and it hit me hard. okay, ellie, please don’t freak out :) you didn’t cause me to have a bad week, those words just hit home for me when i read them on your blog. i think i subconsciously knew this, but never really thought about it. and from there my weekend turned into a oh-my-goodness-i’m-going-to-miss-this-comfortable-predictable-life-next-year. or ellie, if you want to look at it like this, your writing that caused me to get an inch closer to Jesus. :) so either way you look at it, all’s good.

i realized i still had a bunch of stuff that i hadn’t truly surrendered to Him. like my normal not being my normal anymore. that i wouldn’t know everyone that passed by me. more importantly, that i would miss everything that happened. and that hurt. i’m not going to say i’m completely over it, because i think daily a person has to surrender their will for His and do as He says. but i do believe somehow, someway i’m becoming a little more accustomed to the fact that there is a new normal for me out there, and He has it planned for my good. and maybe, just maybe, getting me away from all that is comfortable in my life is so that i can fully rely on Him for everything. i won’t have that comfortable chair at my parent’s house, or even my favorite glass to drink out of (believe it or not, things like that were freaking me out big time), but i’ll have Him and new apartment, and the new people. who knows, i may even find my favorite cup ever in bamako. or better yet, this will be the defining time of knowing He has all the little germs on stuff under control, and even if something looks weird, it might actually taste pretty good. so maybe this new normal thing isn’t so bad after all.

God calls us to live out of our comfort zone for Him, and i’m truly finding what that entails with this journey. some of it is awesome, some of it is not so awesome, but through it all, i’m finding He is right there with me, holding my hand, and whispering His sweet promises in my ear. it is through the strength He gives me that i continue taking every step forward.