okay, so i wrote this in august, but i'll post it anyways, because it's still me.

sometimes i still cannot believe i am so blessed and that He has opened the door to missions like i always silently hoped for. even though it scared the heebie jeebies out of me to think of stepping out of my comfort zone when i was younger (and still does at times), i am so glad i made the decision to trust Him this past february. i cannot imagine my life any other way than truly living for Him and doing what He planned for me to do, what He birthed in my heart and soul, before i was even thought of. sometimes i just want to pinch myself, and i'm scared if i do that i'll wake up and realize this was all just a beautiful dream and all of it will be snatched away. i think i'm beginning to realize it is reality and that i really am moving to Mali in just 4 short months and 21 days.

and then sometimes i can't believe i'm finally going to be on my own. not from Him, but from everyone else i've ever known. but i also love that. to be honest with you, it also hurts. i just sat here and cried. but i know that even though i'm leaving the ones i love behind, God will give me new friends and a family. i've been away at college, but came home every weekend and a lot during the summers (i even lived with my parents this summer). i'm really close to family and friends. it's just the unknown i think that hurts the most. i want more than anything to be bold for Him. that's my prayer. i've changed at lot since february, but i know He's not finished with me yet.

tomorrow marks my last first day of college. ever.