updates, updates, updates!

so, i have sort of been MIA for a while. it is such a good thing that this semester is my last semester of college, because it is totally tiring me out. i just keep saying to myself, "natali, this is your last semester. it's your last semester..." haha. in december, i'll have an english degree in my hands, and i'll be oh so happy.
i wanted to update you guys who still read my blog (wouldn't blame you if you didn't, because i haven't been very good at blogging lately), about my progress towards mali and such things as fundraising. God has really been blowing my mind lately (sorry i haven't exactly shared most of it) on the fundraising end of things and the opportunities He is still sending my way. not only has He provided numerous opporunities that i never expected to come my way in a million years, but i am enthused about them oh so much.
a little back story before i share these opportunites: this past saturday i cried out to God and told Him that i didn't want to be like Moses and say that i couldn't do something when He called me to do it. i said, "i don't want to be like Moses, and because i stutter tell you no, that i can't do what you tell me to do, but i want to do what you have told me to do, what you give me to do with your strength. because when i am weak, then i am strong in You." and what do you know but the next morning i was asked if i would share what i'm doing next year tonight in the service at campmeeting. God had sent something my way to test my word, i know it :) i didn't want to be like Moses. i want to do what it is He has given me to do, and i'm was going to do it with the strength He gave me. :)
okay, back to the opportunities coming my way:
you see, the program i am going to mali through doesn't exactly allow me to itinerate or initiate speaking engagements at churches. this past sunday i was asked to share what i will be doing next year at a sectional campmeeting service. God provided big time. not only did He get me that opportunity to share there at that service, but that specific opportunity has lead to 3(maybe 4) more speaking engagements and a 2 monetary gifts. that is just plain awesome. if you knew me in "real" life (lol), you'd know that i am naturally a very shy person in front of crowds and people that i'm not familiar with. like, i was the kid in the Christmas program that refused to say her lines once she was on stage. and i am sooooo ready to speak again. i'm sure i'll get butterflies, but the point i'm trying to make is i WANT to do this again. :)
also, some very sweet people, (and those of you who are friends with me on facebook have been invited :)) ; and if you're not friends on fb with me, please add me! i'd love it!) have organized a two day yard sale this friday and saturday, and also a fundraiser dinner in early november. however, we are getting some crazy flooding in my hometown right now (please be praying for the families & businesses who are losing so much), so the yard sale may be put off until later. we have had an overwhelming 15-20 inches of rain since sunday, and the last time the water was this high was in 1999 with hurricane floyd, which was commonly known as the flood of the century. but please be praying that whatever the outcome of when the yard sale takes place, that God would work a crazy miracle in the funds and things given. i know that whether it takes place this weekend or next month that He works all things together for my good. i truly believe that.
also, i am speaking at my home church this weekend, unless the flood prevents service from happening. so could you pray that the words i say are not my words, but His, and that the video that i have prayed over and worked on since april would convict the audience and give them a glimpse of His heart? i so do not want this to be all about me, but rather ALL ABOUT Him.

soon i will put up a link and share my letter that i'm sending out to friends and family about my calling to mali next year and how you can pray and give towards it financially if you feel God is leading you to do so.

i can't think of a way to wrap this post up, so i'll just leave you with a picture of the land i long for more every day.

more than just knowing

i want to see and experience life like one is meant to. like You created me to. i want to be full of passion for what You are passionate for. i want to love what You love, and hate what You hate. i want my thinking to align with Your thoughts, & my soul to be anguished over what You are anguished over. i want You to break me over what Your broken for, and to fully love like You do - without limitations or reservations. i want to give others the same grace You have given me, and for forgiveness to be engrained in my actions - to treat a person like you do, with their slate clean, and in my heart a love for them still. the same love i had before they ever committed any wrong. all because You first forgave me. little ole me, who is just as they are. and the little ole me that You are still working on. i don’t want to just float through life, never realizing that i’m breathing and that i truly need to live for You with everything i find within myself. i know that i walk with Your spirit within me, but i want to walk like i truly believe it. that’s why i follow You, because You have broken this girl and renewed within me a desire for none but You. in You i move. it’s not me, but it’s Your spirit inside of me. it empowers me beyond anything i ever could. i am daily dying to self, learning You are all i want.

so i want You to lead me. You, and You alone. i will keep pushing my desires out of mind, and replace them with Yours. You have truly changed my life.

i love that i have a chance to warm up to you beforehand

i love that i’ve been taught about griots, how to pronounce it correctly, and their purpose in society. about doing things for your older sisters and brothers if they tell you to and the respect that is there. about baobab trees and how griots were buried in the trunks. how the audience in mali is called naamu & in the call and response technique it is also their response. that i know what a libation to the ancestors will look like. that the epic of sundiata is behind the lion king and all its awesomeness. how women are supposed to gain weight. how bamana is the same as bambara. how there are totems for families and about the west african hierarchy in polygamy and the senior wife. gosh, these last two semesters & my classes all about africa have been invaluable to me. i love how He placed a west african in my path before i go. i absolutely adore His ways.

He just keeps pointing to precious Mali.

um, how awesome is God?! my familia went to the asheboro zoo today (me not included because of school & other plans tonight), and coming upon the african safari area of the zoo, my family sees this. those pictures above are of mali. mali, west africa. mali. my mali. the book they were in at the exhibit was turned to those exact pages, displaying beautiful mali and telling the story of a family and how it is there. those pages could've been showing the story of a people in ethiopia, uganda or south africa. but it was MALI. and my sis took pictures for proof of just how awesome all of that awesomeness is.

God just keeps leading me and saying this is exactly where you're supposed to be, My daughter.

exactly. i'm just so overwhelmed. i love Your ways. and You are good. so, so good.

i like

silly bands. little kids that say moo-sick. converse. counting down to things. poetry. wet, sloppy kisses on the cheek from little kids. playing this-little-piggy-went-to-market on those same little kids. saying Yesu b’i kanu. reading. last semesters of college. guys who love some Jesus. daydreaming. laying in the grass. praying for mali. peaches and bananas - but not together, bahaha. friends who point to Him. autumn days. seeing my breath in front of me. birds in the morning. missionary biographies. and being a twin.

sincerely,

twin b

the seed i've received i will sow

http://sahelnomads.com/?p=373

just to revel in it.

gosh i love that it is autumn. if only the cool days and gorgeous oranges and reds would appear, then i would be at home. i think this is going to be my favorite thing of physical north carolina that i miss when i move.

this weekend is going to be jam-packed full of stuff. awesome stuff. stuff i really need right now. services and books. talks and reminiscing. babysitting. re-organizing my two huge boxes of stuff that i have to my name for next year and taking the time to breathe and realize just how awesome this season is in my life.

more than anything, i’m ready for it to be just me and You this weekend. i’ve found myself busy this week, and i am ashamed. i want to speak with you while i write again and just revel in the love. last night was awesome, but i want that everyday. the more i know You, the more i can’t be without You.

as i go to sleep tonight, i dream of the day you hear of your inheritance for the first time. Yesu b’i kanu, little ones. Yesu b’i kanu. your inheritance is mighty and holy. oh so holy. and good. soooo good. aw ni su, world. goodnight.

you can give them a bowl of food, but how much more would it mean if you gave them that bowl in the name & love of Jesus? how much further would that food reach…

i move to mali in less than 4 months - 111 days to be exact. with that brings lots of things left to do. get my visa, book my flights, fundraise, get shots, pack, graduate with a BA in english & a minor in history, and on and on and on. but through all of this i have to remember not to let it become mundane, because God wants to use this part of my life just as much as He does next year and the future years. these 111 days, i'm challenging myself to let them not just be the 111 days left until i move, but instead, to see the potential and awesome wonder in each and every one.

i absolutely love my uganda magazine necklace. a long overdue post, but thank you ellie!

there are lots of unknowns. unknowns that could break a person, or drive a person. unknowns that break me and drive me. but in these unknowns, i know who has known the outcome ever since the beginning of time. and i trust Him. He knows what He’s doing, and that’s all i need to know.

5Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

6in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight.a

Proverbs 3:5 & 6

http://servinghischildreninuganda.blogspot.com/2010/09/meet-baby-robert-robert-is-one-month.html#comment-form
tears. shock. please pray for sweet baby robert.

oh my heart is happy.

Yesu b'i kanu, bamako.

um, so yeah, the reading for class thing happened for a little while this afternoon. then i got on facebook and began to think of all the little kiddos next year again while looking at some friends' recent trips to the African continent to love on them. it’s so hard waiting to see them. these kids that God has placed on my heart so heavily. the talibes, the orphans, the kids who just don’t know Jesus. i want so badly to fly there tonight and not let them wait another day. i’ve been practicing saying “Yesu b’i kanu” [yea-soo bee kah-noo], and it just flows so freely off my tongue. oh, how i wish i was in the slums of bamako in this moment. just to pray over the streets i walk on - for the people whose eyes meet mine. to feel the dirt and dust caked on my feet and know it’s for Him i walk here. Yesu b’i kanu, bamako. and soon, oh so soon, i will share that with you. i will not be timid, but bold for the cause He has called me to. to come out of my shell is to walk in the boldness the Holy Spirit gives me. and that i am doing and will do for you, bamako, oh so soon.

it’s more than just a dream,
more than just me.
i must decrease.
to be out of my comfort zone,
yet somehow finding a piece of it along the way.
to feel the dirt between my toes,
and allow the dust to reside on my feet for a day –
i long for those moments.
to love on the little ones ravaged by disease;
and have conversation with those older,
just to sit there,
immersed in their stories of who they are.
to taste the explosion of foreign spices in my mouth
and swallow.
to hear a rush of Bambara fly by my ear,
and recognize it.
but truly, i just want to love like He loves,
for Him to increase.

"some wish to live within the sound of a chapel bell, I want to run a rescue mission within a yard of hell."
-- c.t. studd

oh yesss. how about that?!

you know those five wonderful people i spoke about earlier? well i have some awesome, awesome news. they’re staying an extra day. and i’m getting an extra day tacked onto my weekend. no school for me tomorrow. i think i’m allowed? :D

thank You for this extra day just to spend with them. You. are. awesome.

more than anything

i believe one must seize the opportunity to truly live. to truly feel. to truly love. to truly be who you are that He wants you to be. that’s why actions are louder than words. you can say something all you want to, but until you actually put energy behind the words and push them into movement, you won’t have anything. thank you, Jesus, for giving us the strength to do this. more than anything, You are that action. You are the love that propels us forward. You are the compassion that gets so far deep in our soul that we must do something about it. You are.

You Are - Tenth Avenue North

there is this desire

in my heart for january. to be away from all that i’ve known and wholly trust on Him more than i’ve ever done in my life. i want to live and go where He wants me to. more than anything i want to know that i’m there and my talk wasn’t cheap. that’s something i’ve had to overcome, as normal people do. my talk isn’t cheap this time, and He knows that. thank goodness.

i want to taste sweet, sweet victory of overcoming the obstacles. the millions and gazillions that i jumped over with Him holding my hand on the way there. to wake the dead in the power of His name. to awaken them and show them Truth. i want them to know who they are, that they have purpose and promise. and i want them to know who You are. oh, just knowing that you exist will bring that nisondiya, that joy, that happiness they’ve been waiting their entire existence for. oh, i can’t wait. just to see that joy…

Memorial Box Monday: there's this Love that runs so deep...

as we sang the lines “nothing is impossible for you, nothing is impossible” from Healer this morning in church, something hit me. i was sitting there holding my precious nephew judah, totally enthralled in his sweet spirit and the overwhelming love that God has for me. that he brought these precious three kiddos here this weekend. and that a little boy was holding my hands, our fingers rubbing each others and his head laid on my chest. God cares so much for little things like that that He wanted me to experience this weekend. and the best part is (the part that hit me) is that He didn’t have to do it, but He did. and if He can do that (something that has built up my spirit the past few days) then why should i let these thoughts that creep in my mind about fundraising get to me? why do i give them even a second in my mind? i know that God is going to provide ALL the money needed for next year, but being 4 months away exactly to the day today that i leave for mali, discouraging thoughts have found their way into my mind lately. eventually i’d dimiss them as stupid thoughts, but i have a plan now. every time they come back up -because i know they will, that’s how satan works - i’m going to fight it and shut them out, reminding myself of how God gave me that moment this morning. that sweet little moment that i’ve wanted for so long. just to sit there with my precious nephew judah and be there with him. not talking, not laughing, just there. and it was enough. that is what i will remember. my God brought these kids here this weekend for me, and He is my provider. i trust Him.
on my memorial box bulletin board i am going to put a picture of those three precious kiddos from this weekend.

there’s this little boy named judah. he likes oreos and making silly faces. and this aunt loves his little self to pieces. i love his pronuncation of moo-sick. and of any other word. this little boy turns four on monday, and i couldn’t be any happier to be able to celebrate his birf-day with him. for the first time. i can only hope my kids one day are as sweet as he is. i would be a blessed mommie for sure.

here it is. when you point here, know i'm there, and that you're in my heart. so, in a way you're there too.

tomorrow i get to see five people who mean the world to me. five people who i haven’t seen since Christmas. five people who i prayed and prayed and prayed some more to be able to see before january. no one thought it would be possible, and my God once again came through and granted me a desire of my heart.

i was bracing myself to tough it out for Jesus if i had to. if this meant not seeing them for over two years, i was going to do it. it would’ve been incredibly hard, but i knew with Jesus i could go through it. i was already getting somewhat accustomed to the idea of skyping with them and keeping ourselves connected, which i still will, but God has given me a tangible gift of being able to spend this whole weekend with those five wonderful people.

i get to whisper and tell secrets with five year old jillian. to whisper how she’s my favorite little kindergartener. and give her silly bands and just love on her sweet little spirit.

i get to play airplane with three year old judah and laugh until my insides hurt. and give him silly bands that look like firetrucks.

and the next is what really tore at me inside. i get to introduce myself to precious little one year old josiah, so he’ll know who i am when i come back. it hurt me more than anything to think that he would remember meeting me for the first time when he was 3 or 4. of course i’ve seen him before, but he was so young.

and last but not least, i get to joke, laugh, maybe cry, and share stories with a wonderful couple of people who understand going after His call no matter what. a sister and brother who i love dearly. a sister who i used to call mama for years. a “brother” who i’m so proud of for holding fast to His call on his life, no matter what.

i think i’m going to do more hugging this weekend than ever before in my lifetime, because i know just what brought them here. He did. and out of love and a desire deep inside. and i have a little research to do, josiah, because that promise i wrote to you this summer, i’m not letting it be forgotten. i WILL teach you how to say Jesus loves you in bambara this weekend. jillian and judah, too. i’m praying for where to find this at, because i have no clue how to say anything other than “Yesu”.

these memories have to last another year, so i will be making plenty of them this weekend. if you don’t hear from me in the next few days, you now know why :)

and jillian, judah and josiah, before this weekend is over i’m going to show you where Auntie Nat’s new home is next year. so that you’ll know. so that i’ll know you know and feel closer next year when you touch bamako on a map. you’ll be there too, you know. in my heart that is.

more than anything i want you to know God loves you, and i love you.

i can’t say thank You enough for this coming weekend. i’m soon to be in tears again over just how good You really are.

the harvest.

“35Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. 36When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. 38Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” Matthew 9:35-38

i'm ready to get my hands dirty.

my newest favorite song

I Refuse by Josh Wilson

malian kiddos.

he was gorgeous. fearfully and wonderfully made. but still in need of His love. would anyone take a risk for him? would anyone take the time to teach him the ways of the Lord? because someone needs to. someone needs to love Him enough.

It can only grow from here.

i must be honest. a few months back i was distraught. i was completely freaked out. how could i move across the ocean to a continent i’d never known? to a people who were vastly different than me in culture? to a land that i’d barely heard of before?

this new land was a home i knew i was destined to. i just knew it. ever since those days africa haunted me. yes, at first it felt horrible. those eight or so years ago, my heart was cold. i wanted to go to india, not the continent of africa. no, Lord. please, anything but africa. and i pushed it away. and that’s the lovely convicting power of the Holy Spirit at work.

i knew then that something was wrong in my heart and it needed fixing. i couldn’t bring myself to love the faces of the children that invaded my mind. and fast forward years and years, things were finally set right in my heart. i was broken over the love God has for everyone. and how He created each and every one of us, and oh how so wonderfully. not only was i broken, i was in love. with africa. africa had my heart and mind. i allowed what God was trying to do years ago come to fruition. His love for the african people was flooding my life and washing away the years of bitterness and hate i had held in my heart.

now i couldn’t shake this continent. it was in my dreams. my writing. my every thought. and again, it had come throught the children of the land. just as before when i had haulted it. that, ladies and gentlemen, is beauty for ashes. i no longer held that hate in my heart, but began to open my eyes. and my mouth to speak against the hate. i was free. His truth was setting me free, link by link. the chains that used to bind me so tight were being broken. God used those precious little faces to open my eyes a little bit further. to get a spark started in my heart of what Love truly was. and how i’d been missing it. it was only the beginning. i was still seeking that Love i knew must exist. that unconditional love that He had waiting for me, His beloved.

day by day, month by month my sight was becoming clearer. i had met people who were on fire for Him and i now knew why they were on fire. they had a grasp on this Love. i just had to allow myself to go there too. to revel in the Love and the promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me. in the message He had written so long, long ago. the message that He is still saying today and still holds true. i truly found it this summer. i mean truly, truly found it. through tears and surrender, that Love that i wanted so badly, i have it now. more than anything, i know He loves me. that in itself empowers me. and He is faithfully showing that love to me each and every day -without fail. more than anything i needed that Love that He had reserved just for me. everyone does. and i’m not just speaking of flippantly saying “Jesus loves you”, but of truly believing it, and letting it empower you beyond anything you’ve ever known before. letting it soak deep down in your soul and heal the heartache, the brokeness and parts of you you’d always thought were there to stay. and then comes dying to self and becoming a dead man walking. giving everything over to Him and allowing Him to live through you. to be selfless and surrender. to lay yourself on the altar and sacrifice yourself. He is nowhere near finished with me. i’m still human, and i fail from time to time. but there’s His love and that, my friends, is promise.


“As surely as the sun rises,
He will appear;
He will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.”

Hosea 6:3



“I will heal their waywardness
and love them freely,
for my anger has turned away from them.
I will be like the dew to Israel;
he will blossom like a lily.
Like a cedar of Lebanon
he will send down his roots;
his young shoots will grow.”

Hosea 14:4-6

soon. very soon.

my heart is involved.

my roomate jamee and i just went to the grocery store, and surprisingly it wasn't busy. we're ready for you Earl. but please turn before you get here, cuz jamee and me are newbies at being away from our homes during a bad hurricane. and i'm pretty sure we'd freak.

but no matter what, i know Who i have with me. and that is more comfort than being home.