Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Part 1 of Through Canaan's Eyes
Who knew that two semesters ago when I attempted to write a glimpse into the life of a young woman going to Zimbabwe with a missions team to feed hungry children that I would write it to the music of where I would one day live? God is so awesome. His ways are higher than my ways. So much higher. Habib Koite’s music is so rhythmic and soothes my spirit. I can hardly believe it is the music of my new home in just six short months. I just want to sit here and weep silently happy tears. Tears that run down the face of a young woman so unworthy of God’s grace and provision. But I can't cry right now. My tear ducts are dried up for now. Even the ones reserved for happy tears, for I've used them so much lately. But a person unworthy of God's grace is allowed to, eh? He is so good to me, even in the times when I least deserve anything at all. Why, after years of not opening my whole heart to Him, why was it He was still there knocking? The only answer I have is His faithfulness and loving grace. That is it. That’s who He is. He is faithful. Oh, so faithful. And His mercies are new every morning.
He makes beauty out of ashes. That is what He has done with me. I was too worried about the world and what they would think. I didn’t take into consideration that I was failing Him, and that was the big issue I should be concerned with. Now I know. Now I have taken the steps to fix that. And boy has my life become a cup that runneth over. And ever so freely.
This has been the best year of my life. Hands down. There is no comparison. None whatsoever. Before, I was chained and bound. Now, I’m free. Free to live for Him and no one else. Sure, I was saved before, but I didn’t realize the full extent of what that meant and how I truly must trust Him with my life. I’ve awakened inside. It was my prayer, and I can honestly say it was answered. So faithfully.
I have left everything and followed Him. Follow Me, He says. What I’ve shown you, GO. I am so ready. I trust You with everything. My life, my health, my love, my safety, my finances…
Leaving everything behind has not been easy, by any means. But it’s been so worth it. I have seen and experienced His power like never before. And the best thing is, there’s more.
I’m so ready. This year it is like I have noticed the cleaner me. The one Jesus is in constant care of cleaning. The one He says He’s not finished with yet.
I mentioned a story in the beginning of this post. Well here it is. It’s almost a year old. Africa was awakening in my soul. I couldn’t get away from it. Every time an assignment came by in one of my creative writing classes, I almost always wrote on Africa. Different places all centered around one thing. A passion for a people that I had never met, and still haven’t ‘til this day. These people are in me. I can’t really explain it. I’ve never been on a missions trip to anywhere, but somehow they are there. And I love them. And I love Him who has placed them within me. Africa is my heart. God has shown me Mali specifically, but all of Africa will forever be a part of me. Here is the story. Part one of it – since it would make for a rather long post. I’ll post part two if people are interested. Again, this is just to show how He has shaped my heart for a people I’ve never known.
Through Canaan's Eyes
January 3, 2009
Sometimes I wonder if what I want is what I am supposed to do. Supposed to be. Supposed to follow through with until the end. Sometimes I’m not exactly sure, but then I think about the circumstances that brought me to where I am now in my life and then I know that what I want is exactly right in sync with what I am supposed to do. Three years ago I would never have wanted to do this, ever… Fast forward to the present, and I am a completely, polar opposite of what I once had been. I try not to be selfish, to have a servant’s heart for others. This is one of these unselfish journeys. I pray that I can somehow overcome the ever-changing obstacles in front of me. They always say that you have to deal the hand you were dealt, yet sometimes I almost think it’s not a matter of dealing it yourself, that you’re helped along the way by others and the hands they were dealt. Maybe this will be the one journey that changes me somehow – through the eyes of the Zimbabwean.
Relaxed in her cramped seat onboard the airplane as she finished reading her journal entry from two weeks ago, Hadassah closed her eyes. She could still smell the dirt of the village streets, see the beautiful backdrop red-orange fire at sunset behind the sparse trees. She was there again, immersed in the culture, hearing Shonan words being spoken at the marketplace between vendors and Zimbabweans. Hadassah was there again. It was like she never left.
The clanging cups hitting against the dangling, crudely-fashioned spoons of various sizes woke her up, its echo rushing Hadassah back to reality of the Zimbabwean heat. Back to the dirt packed streets of the small village just outside Ngezi – where she had come to know just yesterday afternoon after arriving with the rest of the mission’s team. Back to the gazillion reverberations and sounds around the makeshift Relief-Aid station where everyone for miles around seemed to gather. The sounds of small children crying, begging for relief pierced her ears as she searched for Graham, the team leader of the group. There he was, over by the second feeding station.
Looking at her with a relieved smile, he motioned her over his way. “There you are. I need someone to cover this station until they run out of beans. You think you and Jacoline can handle it?” he asked, wiping his brow with a swipe of his forearm, placing his hat back on his head firmly before walking off.
“Sure,” was all Hadassah could get out before he was gone.
Graham turned back to yell something, “I’ll take over in a couple of hours,” he hurriedly said, rushing over to meet with the other relief effort group’s leader.
“Anything to help,” she whispered into the air.
Hundreds of Zimbabweans, women with children mostly – holding the hands of small children, balancing infants in a sling on their backs – stood in a single line a half-mile long. One woman, Hadassah guessed no older than her early twenties, sat with her four small children, the oldest no more than five or six. Hadassah stared intently at her son, who sat motionless, his big brown eyes asking once more for something to eat. Still. Unmoving. It seemed nothing the young mother cooed to him broke the stare; only blinks seemed to relieve him, long brown lashes following in sync momentarily stealing the grasp hunger had won.
Or maybe he’s daydreaming? Hadassah asked herself, dipping the ladle into the beans and pouring them into the wooden bowl, handing it off. Daydreaming of a world better than this, than the one he knows to be his own. There has to be more for him than this, than merely existing in a world ravaged of peace and unforgiving.
A small, light blue shirt was the only thing to keep off the chills that would soon come with the night air. Luckily the excruciatingly cold nights had yet to come this rainy season; else he wouldn’t wake after closing his eyes to the melody and rhythm of his mother’s song.
His eyes were not as bright as they were meant to be. Against the beautiful make of his mahogany skin, they were meant to shine like the sun, like jewels, like sheer joy. Yet they didn’t anymore.
Hadassah ladled another bowlful, handed it off to another hungry Zimbabwean, and dipped the ladle back into the pot.
This little boy has a story beyond anything I’ve experienced.
This enchanting little boy wasn’t far from the beginning of the line, maybe fifteen or twenty feet perhaps. Beside him sat a crying toddler, mercilessly tugging at her mother’s skirt as she shoved a fist full of dirt into her tiny mouth, wanting relief. Her face was caked with a layer of dust, her lips cracked and painted with dried blood in places. Her eyes pleaded for sustenance – sustenance for the day, for her days to come.
Hadassah wondered if mhuri yakadini? Should I ask how the family is. Or… maybe not? But, I don’t want to just stand here dishing out beans and not say a word to anyone. I care about these people, I want to know about them and their lives. I need to know.
Turning towards Jacoline, the Shano-speaking translator, purposefully clearing her throat just a little, Hadassah cheerfully said, “Mhoro.”
A beautiful smile played upon Jacoline’s dark lips and into her bright eyes, “Mhoro.”
“Uh… can I ask you a question, Jacoline?” Hadassah quietly, asked, handling another bowl before filling it.
Moving within speaking distance, to be able to hear her above the cries and many voices, Jacoline answered with a kind smile, “Yes. What’s your question?” her native tongue giving a beautiful flair to her English.
“I was wondering if we, the volunteers, could speak, uh, converse with the families?” Hadassah waited for the expected no, but was unexpectedly surprised when Jacoline wrapped her arms around her tightly, the ladle still in her hand, luckily empty at that moment.
Gently letting go, Jacoline whispered into Hadassah’s ear with exuberant happiness, “You are the first to ask today. We’ve been serving since seven o’clock, and it took someone five hours to ask me that.”
“Well, I’m glad I asked, then. I was about to chicken out; I wasn’t sure we could and didn’t want to be disappointed.”
“Who should I thank for asking me, dear girl?”
“Hadassah. Hadassah Zachary. And I already know your name, Ms. Jacoline.” Hadassah smiled, ladling the contents into a bowl.
“Oh no, no, no. Just Jacoline, my dear.”
Hadassah thanked her with a smile.
The line was growing longer and longer it seemed, and the sparse breeze dryer and dryer, and packed with a punch of smells that nearly took your breath away. Smells telling of the lack of deodorizers and clean water to wash one’s self with. Everything was considered a luxury here in the Zimbabwean savannah.
There he was. The little guy she couldn’t keep her eyes off of a few minutes ago had now come next in line for his meal, standing straight in front of her. The brown-eyed boy whose eyes didn’t shine, whose eyes grasped hers, pulling her in, into his world, into his disease-stricken family, into his hunger.
He had yet to become malnutritioned. But he would soon be in that very place, very soon.
Thank you, Jesus, for sparing him, she silently prayed.
She decided to do it, to take the plunge. “Mhoro, wakadini?”
Hadassah looked at him, right into this set of eyes that implored her to ask again. To make sure she actually cared. “Mhoro, wakadini?”
“Ungandibatsirewo?” the little guy answered.
It surprised her – he spoke to her. Hadassah hadn’t expected him to understand her. And now she didn’t understand his answer. Quickly she whispered to Jacoline, “What did he say?”
“He wants to know if you can help him.”
Tears sprang to her eyes. She swallowed hard, “I don’t know.” Hadassah looked at Jacoline again. “Tell him, tell him I don’t know.”
“He- here. Here’s your beans, little guy.” Her lip quivered, two tears running down her cheeks.
And there the young boy took his beans, as did his mother and his sister that could carry hers. He was gone, he was eating his beans. They had what they came for.
Handing her two more servings of beans, Jacoline nudged her head in the direction of the little boy. “Go, give these to the mother for her other two children.”
When Hadassah was about five steps away from the serving station, she heard, “And stay with him, help him.” She smiled at Jacoline in return. “And don’t worry, I’ll manage while you’re gone.”
Hadassah took the longest steps in all her life, each step it seemed bringing another thought of what she should say, if she should even say anything at all, or even if she should just turn around. She remembered she had the thin Shona pocket translator in her back pocket. She had to talk to to him, so she continued.
Excuses bombarding her mind, she then saw them again. There they were, the boy and his family were nestled in the grass by a group of small children...
He makes beauty out of ashes. That is what He has done with me. I was too worried about the world and what they would think. I didn’t take into consideration that I was failing Him, and that was the big issue I should be concerned with. Now I know. Now I have taken the steps to fix that. And boy has my life become a cup that runneth over. And ever so freely.
This has been the best year of my life. Hands down. There is no comparison. None whatsoever. Before, I was chained and bound. Now, I’m free. Free to live for Him and no one else. Sure, I was saved before, but I didn’t realize the full extent of what that meant and how I truly must trust Him with my life. I’ve awakened inside. It was my prayer, and I can honestly say it was answered. So faithfully.
I have left everything and followed Him. Follow Me, He says. What I’ve shown you, GO. I am so ready. I trust You with everything. My life, my health, my love, my safety, my finances…
Leaving everything behind has not been easy, by any means. But it’s been so worth it. I have seen and experienced His power like never before. And the best thing is, there’s more.
I’m so ready. This year it is like I have noticed the cleaner me. The one Jesus is in constant care of cleaning. The one He says He’s not finished with yet.
I mentioned a story in the beginning of this post. Well here it is. It’s almost a year old. Africa was awakening in my soul. I couldn’t get away from it. Every time an assignment came by in one of my creative writing classes, I almost always wrote on Africa. Different places all centered around one thing. A passion for a people that I had never met, and still haven’t ‘til this day. These people are in me. I can’t really explain it. I’ve never been on a missions trip to anywhere, but somehow they are there. And I love them. And I love Him who has placed them within me. Africa is my heart. God has shown me Mali specifically, but all of Africa will forever be a part of me. Here is the story. Part one of it – since it would make for a rather long post. I’ll post part two if people are interested. Again, this is just to show how He has shaped my heart for a people I’ve never known.
Through Canaan's Eyes
January 3, 2009
Sometimes I wonder if what I want is what I am supposed to do. Supposed to be. Supposed to follow through with until the end. Sometimes I’m not exactly sure, but then I think about the circumstances that brought me to where I am now in my life and then I know that what I want is exactly right in sync with what I am supposed to do. Three years ago I would never have wanted to do this, ever… Fast forward to the present, and I am a completely, polar opposite of what I once had been. I try not to be selfish, to have a servant’s heart for others. This is one of these unselfish journeys. I pray that I can somehow overcome the ever-changing obstacles in front of me. They always say that you have to deal the hand you were dealt, yet sometimes I almost think it’s not a matter of dealing it yourself, that you’re helped along the way by others and the hands they were dealt. Maybe this will be the one journey that changes me somehow – through the eyes of the Zimbabwean.
Relaxed in her cramped seat onboard the airplane as she finished reading her journal entry from two weeks ago, Hadassah closed her eyes. She could still smell the dirt of the village streets, see the beautiful backdrop red-orange fire at sunset behind the sparse trees. She was there again, immersed in the culture, hearing Shonan words being spoken at the marketplace between vendors and Zimbabweans. Hadassah was there again. It was like she never left.
The clanging cups hitting against the dangling, crudely-fashioned spoons of various sizes woke her up, its echo rushing Hadassah back to reality of the Zimbabwean heat. Back to the dirt packed streets of the small village just outside Ngezi – where she had come to know just yesterday afternoon after arriving with the rest of the mission’s team. Back to the gazillion reverberations and sounds around the makeshift Relief-Aid station where everyone for miles around seemed to gather. The sounds of small children crying, begging for relief pierced her ears as she searched for Graham, the team leader of the group. There he was, over by the second feeding station.
Looking at her with a relieved smile, he motioned her over his way. “There you are. I need someone to cover this station until they run out of beans. You think you and Jacoline can handle it?” he asked, wiping his brow with a swipe of his forearm, placing his hat back on his head firmly before walking off.
“Sure,” was all Hadassah could get out before he was gone.
Graham turned back to yell something, “I’ll take over in a couple of hours,” he hurriedly said, rushing over to meet with the other relief effort group’s leader.
“Anything to help,” she whispered into the air.
Hundreds of Zimbabweans, women with children mostly – holding the hands of small children, balancing infants in a sling on their backs – stood in a single line a half-mile long. One woman, Hadassah guessed no older than her early twenties, sat with her four small children, the oldest no more than five or six. Hadassah stared intently at her son, who sat motionless, his big brown eyes asking once more for something to eat. Still. Unmoving. It seemed nothing the young mother cooed to him broke the stare; only blinks seemed to relieve him, long brown lashes following in sync momentarily stealing the grasp hunger had won.
Or maybe he’s daydreaming? Hadassah asked herself, dipping the ladle into the beans and pouring them into the wooden bowl, handing it off. Daydreaming of a world better than this, than the one he knows to be his own. There has to be more for him than this, than merely existing in a world ravaged of peace and unforgiving.
A small, light blue shirt was the only thing to keep off the chills that would soon come with the night air. Luckily the excruciatingly cold nights had yet to come this rainy season; else he wouldn’t wake after closing his eyes to the melody and rhythm of his mother’s song.
His eyes were not as bright as they were meant to be. Against the beautiful make of his mahogany skin, they were meant to shine like the sun, like jewels, like sheer joy. Yet they didn’t anymore.
Hadassah ladled another bowlful, handed it off to another hungry Zimbabwean, and dipped the ladle back into the pot.
This little boy has a story beyond anything I’ve experienced.
This enchanting little boy wasn’t far from the beginning of the line, maybe fifteen or twenty feet perhaps. Beside him sat a crying toddler, mercilessly tugging at her mother’s skirt as she shoved a fist full of dirt into her tiny mouth, wanting relief. Her face was caked with a layer of dust, her lips cracked and painted with dried blood in places. Her eyes pleaded for sustenance – sustenance for the day, for her days to come.
Hadassah wondered if mhuri yakadini? Should I ask how the family is. Or… maybe not? But, I don’t want to just stand here dishing out beans and not say a word to anyone. I care about these people, I want to know about them and their lives. I need to know.
Turning towards Jacoline, the Shano-speaking translator, purposefully clearing her throat just a little, Hadassah cheerfully said, “Mhoro.”
A beautiful smile played upon Jacoline’s dark lips and into her bright eyes, “Mhoro.”
“Uh… can I ask you a question, Jacoline?” Hadassah quietly, asked, handling another bowl before filling it.
Moving within speaking distance, to be able to hear her above the cries and many voices, Jacoline answered with a kind smile, “Yes. What’s your question?” her native tongue giving a beautiful flair to her English.
“I was wondering if we, the volunteers, could speak, uh, converse with the families?” Hadassah waited for the expected no, but was unexpectedly surprised when Jacoline wrapped her arms around her tightly, the ladle still in her hand, luckily empty at that moment.
Gently letting go, Jacoline whispered into Hadassah’s ear with exuberant happiness, “You are the first to ask today. We’ve been serving since seven o’clock, and it took someone five hours to ask me that.”
“Well, I’m glad I asked, then. I was about to chicken out; I wasn’t sure we could and didn’t want to be disappointed.”
“Who should I thank for asking me, dear girl?”
“Hadassah. Hadassah Zachary. And I already know your name, Ms. Jacoline.” Hadassah smiled, ladling the contents into a bowl.
“Oh no, no, no. Just Jacoline, my dear.”
Hadassah thanked her with a smile.
The line was growing longer and longer it seemed, and the sparse breeze dryer and dryer, and packed with a punch of smells that nearly took your breath away. Smells telling of the lack of deodorizers and clean water to wash one’s self with. Everything was considered a luxury here in the Zimbabwean savannah.
There he was. The little guy she couldn’t keep her eyes off of a few minutes ago had now come next in line for his meal, standing straight in front of her. The brown-eyed boy whose eyes didn’t shine, whose eyes grasped hers, pulling her in, into his world, into his disease-stricken family, into his hunger.
He had yet to become malnutritioned. But he would soon be in that very place, very soon.
Thank you, Jesus, for sparing him, she silently prayed.
She decided to do it, to take the plunge. “Mhoro, wakadini?”
Hadassah looked at him, right into this set of eyes that implored her to ask again. To make sure she actually cared. “Mhoro, wakadini?”
“Ungandibatsirewo?” the little guy answered.
It surprised her – he spoke to her. Hadassah hadn’t expected him to understand her. And now she didn’t understand his answer. Quickly she whispered to Jacoline, “What did he say?”
“He wants to know if you can help him.”
Tears sprang to her eyes. She swallowed hard, “I don’t know.” Hadassah looked at Jacoline again. “Tell him, tell him I don’t know.”
“He- here. Here’s your beans, little guy.” Her lip quivered, two tears running down her cheeks.
And there the young boy took his beans, as did his mother and his sister that could carry hers. He was gone, he was eating his beans. They had what they came for.
Handing her two more servings of beans, Jacoline nudged her head in the direction of the little boy. “Go, give these to the mother for her other two children.”
When Hadassah was about five steps away from the serving station, she heard, “And stay with him, help him.” She smiled at Jacoline in return. “And don’t worry, I’ll manage while you’re gone.”
Hadassah took the longest steps in all her life, each step it seemed bringing another thought of what she should say, if she should even say anything at all, or even if she should just turn around. She remembered she had the thin Shona pocket translator in her back pocket. She had to talk to to him, so she continued.
Excuses bombarding her mind, she then saw them again. There they were, the boy and his family were nestled in the grass by a group of small children...
Monday, June 28, 2010
i so haali want you to know the free dumuni that feeds you forever.
talibé boys (pronounced tal-ee-bay). they have become one of my passions. i don't know why. but i know that i was researching orphans in Mali one night a few weeks back and came across these children. these boys are sent to live with religious leaders and study. they have been orphaned to the society. they spend about 5 hours a day reciting and memorizing the texts and then are made to beg for alms the rest of the time. they beg for their meals. and if they beg and do not receive anything they are whipped. the boys range from age 3 to 15. that brings tears. big tears. i cannot imagine my little three year old nephew Judah begging for his food and being whipped if no one was compassionate enough to give him anything. they're barefoot. dusty and dirty. the only clothes they have are rags. this should break our hearts! it breaks His heart.
get this - half of the boys are age 10 and under. yes, half.
and this is going on in a lot of West African countries.
i found out a few days ago that i have an opportunity next year to work alongside these boys. my heart bursts with His faithfulness. i know it was Him that led me to researching the talibé boys a while back, because i don't even remember how i got there. i was just researching orphans and my heart was open to street kids through different blogs i had been reading and so forth. and now the opportunity is here for me to do just what my heart has been shown. i prayed and hoped that i would be able to work with these boys, commonly known as street kids. i have a burden for them that is unexplainable.
right now, still 6 months away from my departure to Mali, i'm not sure what all of this means, or what will become of it. all i do know is that the opportunity is here. my heart is ever so ready to welcome it. i wish i was there now so i could buy them bread and rice to eat. so that just tonight they wouldn't have to go hungry. it's 9:29pm in Bamako right now. their night shift of begging is coming to an end in approximately half an hour. i wonder if they ate today? or yesterday? are their bellies hurting? or are being whipped as i type this? i just want to hug every single one of the talibé boys. every single one. and tell them to hold on. for the joy of the Lord can soon be their strength. i want them to know the love i have within me. that love that will never go away. even if your parents disown you and send you cities away to beg. He loves you. and i do too. and i cannot wait until i can sit down with you, burru and kini in hand, and share with you. i want you to eat, but more than anything i want you to know of the nisondiya that you can have. the strength that comes along with it. the dumuni that feeds you forever. and it is free. you don't have to beg for it.
i so haali want you guys to know that. so haali.
**bambara words
buuru - bread
kini - rice
nisondiya - joy
dumuni - food
haali - very much
get this - half of the boys are age 10 and under. yes, half.
and this is going on in a lot of West African countries.
i found out a few days ago that i have an opportunity next year to work alongside these boys. my heart bursts with His faithfulness. i know it was Him that led me to researching the talibé boys a while back, because i don't even remember how i got there. i was just researching orphans and my heart was open to street kids through different blogs i had been reading and so forth. and now the opportunity is here for me to do just what my heart has been shown. i prayed and hoped that i would be able to work with these boys, commonly known as street kids. i have a burden for them that is unexplainable.
right now, still 6 months away from my departure to Mali, i'm not sure what all of this means, or what will become of it. all i do know is that the opportunity is here. my heart is ever so ready to welcome it. i wish i was there now so i could buy them bread and rice to eat. so that just tonight they wouldn't have to go hungry. it's 9:29pm in Bamako right now. their night shift of begging is coming to an end in approximately half an hour. i wonder if they ate today? or yesterday? are their bellies hurting? or are being whipped as i type this? i just want to hug every single one of the talibé boys. every single one. and tell them to hold on. for the joy of the Lord can soon be their strength. i want them to know the love i have within me. that love that will never go away. even if your parents disown you and send you cities away to beg. He loves you. and i do too. and i cannot wait until i can sit down with you, burru and kini in hand, and share with you. i want you to eat, but more than anything i want you to know of the nisondiya that you can have. the strength that comes along with it. the dumuni that feeds you forever. and it is free. you don't have to beg for it.
i so haali want you guys to know that. so haali.
**bambara words
buuru - bread
kini - rice
nisondiya - joy
dumuni - food
haali - very much
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
i've been MIA the last few days on here. sorry, i'm just experiencing His presence in such a real and amazing way as never before! i have no posts right now to share. services this past week have been amazing! i, and many others, am being transformed from the inside out. GOD is too good. Too, too good. :D
Here is a little tidbit to describe the last few days :
i am so sooo humbled by the presence of Him. last night was absolutely amazing and mind blowing. i’m still at a loss for words. one thing i can say is that i have never felt His presence so strongly as i did last night. and that He is faithful. oh, so faithful.
** oh!! and that detail that i was praying for, that something that needed to happen for something else to happen (posted at the beginning of this month), happened :)) GOD is so sooo faithful!
Here is a little tidbit to describe the last few days :
i am so sooo humbled by the presence of Him. last night was absolutely amazing and mind blowing. i’m still at a loss for words. one thing i can say is that i have never felt His presence so strongly as i did last night. and that He is faithful. oh, so faithful.
** oh!! and that detail that i was praying for, that something that needed to happen for something else to happen (posted at the beginning of this month), happened :)) GOD is so sooo faithful!
Friday, June 18, 2010
i love the freedom staying behind to worship Him has given me. when my parents first asked me, are you gonna go with us on vacation this year, my answer was i’ll probably have a job and won’t be able to get away. and then it hit me, this indescribable urge to stay behind, even if i didn’t have a job, just to soak up His presence at campmeeting. well, i don’t have a job yet, and i’m gonna miss not seeing my sister and her family this summer, but i’m so joyful just in knowing i’m giving it all up this year just for Him. just to worship Him. just to talk to Him. just to know Him more. i want to know Him so much more than i do right now. i have this cry in my heart to go deeper. to seek, to search for Him. for Him to search me and tell me things i need to change about myself, things that are holding me back.
i want my life to be pleasing to Him. i want to be beautiful. i don’t want to stay the same forever. the speaker last night spoke of us having a season of acceleration in Him, an acceleration in growth, in our love for Him. i want that so badly. and i’m going for it. i’m going for it big. like never before.
i’m determined.
this next week and a half it's going to be just me and Him.
i want my life to be pleasing to Him. i want to be beautiful. i don’t want to stay the same forever. the speaker last night spoke of us having a season of acceleration in Him, an acceleration in growth, in our love for Him. i want that so badly. and i’m going for it. i’m going for it big. like never before.
i’m determined.
this next week and a half it's going to be just me and Him.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
this is for you, Kalyn
This post is an encouragement for all of you guys, but especially, Kalyn! I know some of you are going through some very tough, trying and down right hard times of trusting in Him. Please, don't ever give up.
Kalyn, if you read this, just remember "the Lord Almighty is with us; the GOD of Jacob is our fortress". Keep on trusting in him, girl, for you're on the way to something big I can tell. Trust in Him. No matter where we are, no matter how far our family is from us, He, yes He, is with us. Right there with us. When you feel things get too hard, remember in whom you have placed your trust. Not in yourself, but in Him. It's too hard to do by ourselves. But with Him by our side, holding our hand, we can keep walking and rejoicing in His faithfulness and love for us! Love you like a sister, Kalyn, & stay strong!
1 Hear my cry, O God;
listen to my prayer.
2 From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
3 For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the foe.
4 I long to dwell in your tent forever
and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.
Selah
5 For you have heard my vows, O God;
you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.
6 Increase the days of the king's life,
his years for many generations.
7 May he be enthroned in God's presence forever;
appoint your love and faithfulness to protect him.
8 Then will I ever sing praise to your name
and fulfill my vows day after day.
-- Psalm 61
1 My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
2 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
3 How long will you assault a man?
Would all of you throw him down—
this leaning wall, this tottering fence?
4 They fully intend to topple him
from his lofty place;
they take delight in lies.
With their mouths they bless,
but in their hearts they curse.
Selah
5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
6 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
7 My salvation and my honor depend on God [a] ;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
8 Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Selah
9 Lowborn men are but a breath,
the highborn are but a lie;
if weighed on a balance, they are nothing;
together they are only a breath.
10 Do not trust in extortion
or take pride in stolen goods;
though your riches increase,
do not set your heart on them.
11 One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong,
12 and that you, O Lord, are loving.
Surely you will reward each person
according to what he has done.
-- Psalm 62
Kalyn, if you read this, just remember "the Lord Almighty is with us; the GOD of Jacob is our fortress". Keep on trusting in him, girl, for you're on the way to something big I can tell. Trust in Him. No matter where we are, no matter how far our family is from us, He, yes He, is with us. Right there with us. When you feel things get too hard, remember in whom you have placed your trust. Not in yourself, but in Him. It's too hard to do by ourselves. But with Him by our side, holding our hand, we can keep walking and rejoicing in His faithfulness and love for us! Love you like a sister, Kalyn, & stay strong!
1 Hear my cry, O God;
listen to my prayer.
2 From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
3 For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the foe.
4 I long to dwell in your tent forever
and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.
Selah
5 For you have heard my vows, O God;
you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.
6 Increase the days of the king's life,
his years for many generations.
7 May he be enthroned in God's presence forever;
appoint your love and faithfulness to protect him.
8 Then will I ever sing praise to your name
and fulfill my vows day after day.
-- Psalm 61
1 My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
2 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
3 How long will you assault a man?
Would all of you throw him down—
this leaning wall, this tottering fence?
4 They fully intend to topple him
from his lofty place;
they take delight in lies.
With their mouths they bless,
but in their hearts they curse.
Selah
5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
6 He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
7 My salvation and my honor depend on God [a] ;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
8 Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
Selah
9 Lowborn men are but a breath,
the highborn are but a lie;
if weighed on a balance, they are nothing;
together they are only a breath.
10 Do not trust in extortion
or take pride in stolen goods;
though your riches increase,
do not set your heart on them.
11 One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong,
12 and that you, O Lord, are loving.
Surely you will reward each person
according to what he has done.
-- Psalm 62
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
sweet little Evalyn
Meet sweet little Miss Evalyn. She is two years old and HIV positive. Could she be your daughter? Please read the rest about Evalyn in this post over at Holly's blog. Email her and ask her questions. Advocate for sweet little Evalyn.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Isaiah 58
1 "Shout it aloud, do not hold back.
Raise your voice like a trumpet.
Declare to my people their rebellion
and to the house of Jacob their sins.
2 For day after day they seek me out;
they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
and seem eager for God to come near them.
3 'Why have we fasted,' they say,
'and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves,
and you have not noticed?'
"Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please
and exploit all your workers.
4 Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,
and in striking each other with wicked fists.
You cannot fast as you do today
and expect your voice to be heard on high.
5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD ?
6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness [a] will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.
13 "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the LORD's holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
14 then you will find your joy in the LORD,
and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob."
The mouth of the LORD has spoken. "
--Isaiah 58
GOD has really popped this chapter out at me so many times within the last week or so. it's really amazing how many times i've seen it either on other's blogs, or like today with my own devotional. i believe He really wants me to get this. To get every little bit. To soak it in and ask for discernment in exactly what it means. And that i will do.
Raise your voice like a trumpet.
Declare to my people their rebellion
and to the house of Jacob their sins.
2 For day after day they seek me out;
they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
and seem eager for God to come near them.
3 'Why have we fasted,' they say,
'and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves,
and you have not noticed?'
"Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please
and exploit all your workers.
4 Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,
and in striking each other with wicked fists.
You cannot fast as you do today
and expect your voice to be heard on high.
5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD ?
6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness [a] will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.
13 "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the LORD's holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
14 then you will find your joy in the LORD,
and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob."
The mouth of the LORD has spoken. "
--Isaiah 58
GOD has really popped this chapter out at me so many times within the last week or so. it's really amazing how many times i've seen it either on other's blogs, or like today with my own devotional. i believe He really wants me to get this. To get every little bit. To soak it in and ask for discernment in exactly what it means. And that i will do.
Mali food - thank You, Jesus.
After watching some of Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmerman doing a segment on Ugandan food I am defnitely thankful that I’m moving to Mali and not Uganda. haha.
Instead of sugarcane rat, flying ants, etc in Uganda, I found this when I googled Mali culture/food:
In the cities, rice is the preferred dish (40 percent of the daily food intake), followed by cereals (sorghum and millet, 35 percent), peanuts, sugar, and oil (20 percent). In the rural areas where rice is produced, farmers tend to consider rice a luxury item and they sell it. Their basic staples are millet, sorghum, and fonio (a West African cereal) that are consumed in a variety of ways: served with sauces with fish or meat and various vegetables, or in the form of porridge (mixed with water, sugar, and fresh or powdered milk). Read more: Culture of Mali - traditional, history, people, traditions, women, beliefs, food, customs, family, social, dress, marriage, men, life, population, religion, rituals, History and ethnic relations http://www.everyculture.com/Ja-Ma/Mali.html#ixzz0qrCdZO3X
I don’t like fish very much, but i think i can manage that better than rat. But hey, monkey, lizard and lamb [because I've heard from people that it's there! haha] I’ll have to try I guess. I’m just so so soooo thankful for buuru (bambara word for 'bread') & kini ('rice') being the staple foods right now :DD
know there are probably weird and nasty things in Mali too [who knows, they may even have flying ants there too, but the BASIC dishes are carbs :))] haha, BUT the best thing ever is rice, millet, peanuts, and bread are the main meals, and that is music to my ears. :D
all i can say is thank You, Jesus, for sending me to Mali. this is definitely favor! haha.
.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
new blog name!
So, you've probably noticed i have changed my blog name. and if you didn't see this post, you're probably wondering what does nisondiya mean? well, just click on the link in the previous sentence and you'll be set.
in explanation, i still believe we serve an amazinggg GOD and He has some pretty amazing grace for all of us! i chose my previous blog name on a whim about a year ago. i just want the new name of my blog to describe more of the journey He has me on personally. and so, if you read the post linked above you should get it :D
in explanation, i still believe we serve an amazinggg GOD and He has some pretty amazing grace for all of us! i chose my previous blog name on a whim about a year ago. i just want the new name of my blog to describe more of the journey He has me on personally. and so, if you read the post linked above you should get it :D
Thursday, June 10, 2010
- i'm gonna put you in a box and send you all the way to Timbuktu!
i used to hear that all the time as a kid, jokes from one person to another. Did anyone else?
AND
who would've ever thunk it?! haha. someOne really is sending me to Timbuktu! and it couldn't be anyOne better :D i'm amazed at how good He is!
** Timbuktu is in Mali, just in case anyone is wondering :D
i used to hear that all the time as a kid, jokes from one person to another. Did anyone else?
AND
who would've ever thunk it?! haha. someOne really is sending me to Timbuktu! and it couldn't be anyOne better :D i'm amazed at how good He is!
** Timbuktu is in Mali, just in case anyone is wondering :D
from the inside out, Lord, my soul cries out. for You and You alone. i want to know You more. i hunger for You. every fiber in my being needs You. i’m holding nothing back. nothing. pride - gone. selfish dreams for the norm - gone. loving You with all i have within me - check. i’m alive to live for You. amazing love how can it be? cuz You gave everything for me. everything.
a mixture of songs & my words. but what i want Him to hear from me. :))
a mixture of songs & my words. but what i want Him to hear from me. :))
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
confirmation after confirmation...
haha! i just can't get enough!
i was cleaning out my car this morning, and found a magazine from my church denomination folded up. the biggest smile came across my face when i opened. i don't even have to tell you the subject the magazine happened to be that Sunday.
but i will :D
africa.
it was from December 2009.
i was cleaning out my car this morning, and found a magazine from my church denomination folded up. the biggest smile came across my face when i opened. i don't even have to tell you the subject the magazine happened to be that Sunday.
but i will :D
africa.
it was from December 2009.
that peace.
so yeah. i was about to go to sleep, but decided to watch some tv instead. i asked Him to speak to me, just because i love when He does. as i've said before, it gives me this unexplainable peace.
so something tells me to turn to "whose line is it anyway". i turn, then change the channel, cuz i don't really like that show that much. it gets kinda weird (that's a very nice way to describe it haha) sometimes. then i feel i need to turn back to it, so i do. and what ya know, but they're talking about africa.
okay, GOD. thank you, once again. i getcha. :))
aw ni su. good night.
so something tells me to turn to "whose line is it anyway". i turn, then change the channel, cuz i don't really like that show that much. it gets kinda weird (that's a very nice way to describe it haha) sometimes. then i feel i need to turn back to it, so i do. and what ya know, but they're talking about africa.
okay, GOD. thank you, once again. i getcha. :))
aw ni su. good night.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
the dream.
one night a couple of months back i was having a really hard time with the thought of moving to Mali. i wanted GOD to give a confirmation that i was doing the right thing next year. deep down inside i knew i was, but satan wouldn’t stop bombarding me with mess. even though GOD had worked in marvelous ways to show me MALI WAS WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE, doubts and fears were rising. so yeah, i talked with someone that i knew could offer some Godly advice. we spoke and prayed, but i just wanted Him to speak to me. then before going to bed, i prayed, GOD, please show me once again. please talk to me in my dreams. please.
i was desperate. and i mean desperate.
the next morning i woke up. the dream i had had hit me and gave me total peace. He had spoken to me in a dream like i begged Him to. i was in shock. and the dream. ohmygoodness. what an eye opener. yes. confirmation big time.
in the dream GOD gave me while i was asleep that night was this: i was walking into my home church, looked to the right at the missionary wall (wall of framed prayer cards of missionaries we support) and there i was. on the missionary wall. the wall that i adored. i was there. hanging in a frame. i didn’t have a formal prayer card, but there it was in a frame, a picture of me and african kids. i remember knowing the faces of them in the dream, like i really knew them. but after i woke up they were just kids that surrounded me in the dirt. yes, malian kids and i in the dirt. on the missionary wall, with all the other missionaries.
ahhh… it makes me want to sleep and ask GOD to speak to me once again. for when He speaks i melt into peace.
oh, and years ago when i was fighting africa, that time where i said, no, i’m going to india, when those whispers of africa would come i remember seeing african children. those dark faces that i couldn’t bring myself to love. my heart was dark. but still, He whispered, africa. africa. africa…
i am so thrilled beyond words that i am different. that i finally let GOD in and let Him change me. i’m open, completely open to africa now. those dark little faces are begging for kisses. and i can’t wait to give them to them
i was desperate. and i mean desperate.
the next morning i woke up. the dream i had had hit me and gave me total peace. He had spoken to me in a dream like i begged Him to. i was in shock. and the dream. ohmygoodness. what an eye opener. yes. confirmation big time.
in the dream GOD gave me while i was asleep that night was this: i was walking into my home church, looked to the right at the missionary wall (wall of framed prayer cards of missionaries we support) and there i was. on the missionary wall. the wall that i adored. i was there. hanging in a frame. i didn’t have a formal prayer card, but there it was in a frame, a picture of me and african kids. i remember knowing the faces of them in the dream, like i really knew them. but after i woke up they were just kids that surrounded me in the dirt. yes, malian kids and i in the dirt. on the missionary wall, with all the other missionaries.
ahhh… it makes me want to sleep and ask GOD to speak to me once again. for when He speaks i melt into peace.
oh, and years ago when i was fighting africa, that time where i said, no, i’m going to india, when those whispers of africa would come i remember seeing african children. those dark faces that i couldn’t bring myself to love. my heart was dark. but still, He whispered, africa. africa. africa…
i am so thrilled beyond words that i am different. that i finally let GOD in and let Him change me. i’m open, completely open to africa now. those dark little faces are begging for kisses. and i can’t wait to give them to them
if i close my eyes real tight & take a deep breath, i can hear the singing & laughter of bambara kids. i togo. them counting kelen, fila, saba... i want to sit there and eat malo & buuru with them. zanwuye.
**
- i togo = what's your name.
- kelen, fila, saba... = one, two, three
- malo = rice
- buuru = bread
- zanwuye = january
**
- i togo = what's your name.
- kelen, fila, saba... = one, two, three
- malo = rice
- buuru = bread
- zanwuye = january
dirt & bugs. & more than conquering in the name of Jesus.
so, i’m about to go sit outside, in the dirt, and play with five little kittens. yeah, i’d say i’m trying to prepare for Africa. I’m not really an outdoorsy type of girl [i like the outside, but once i get too hot or sweaty or a bug flies by my head with a buzz i’m DONE], but i’m trying to change that this summer :D let me make one thing clear though. despite the dislikes i have about the outside, i like dirt. i like to feel dirt between my toes and just feel. feel the wonder of GOD’s creation. just sit there and feel because i can. because it makes me feel alive. just because i want to go one day without shoes. just to say, yes, i’m scared of bugs, and that’s fine because i’m human, BUT i love the beauty of His creation and what it does to me on the inside.
I love Mali, and what loving people does to me, how loving like He loved us changes me. and if the bugs wanna come, let ‘em come. even the big ugly ones. cuz i’m holding onto the One who is not shaken. no. matter. what.
so, if i cross paths with a bug while i’m out today, i’m gonna stick to my resolution and stay outside anyway. i just want to feel that dirt and know the significance.
what seems so useless can be used to do great things. that goes for dirt and people. dirt to people. people to dirt. yeah. get ready bugs, cuz i’m more than conquering in the name of Jesus. and yes, even those “bugs” in Mali. literally & figuratively.
“37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-39.
I love Mali, and what loving people does to me, how loving like He loved us changes me. and if the bugs wanna come, let ‘em come. even the big ugly ones. cuz i’m holding onto the One who is not shaken. no. matter. what.
so, if i cross paths with a bug while i’m out today, i’m gonna stick to my resolution and stay outside anyway. i just want to feel that dirt and know the significance.
what seems so useless can be used to do great things. that goes for dirt and people. dirt to people. people to dirt. yeah. get ready bugs, cuz i’m more than conquering in the name of Jesus. and yes, even those “bugs” in Mali. literally & figuratively.
“37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-39.
Monday, June 7, 2010
i'm moving to africa. [it sets in] i'm. MOVING. to. africa. [my mouth drops open] I'M MOVING TO AFRICA!!! haha. i think you can visualize the last one :D haha. it STILL keeps hitting me that this awesome missions opportunity is gonna happen!! if GOD gives you a dream, don't let anybody, and i mean ANYBODY tell you it is impossible :)) For we serve the One who is greater :D
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
BEAUTIFUL MALI Color Part 2 YouTube
here's Beautiful Mali part 2 as promised. gosh, i love whoever made these videos :))
happy sigh...
i think ima melt into a puddle of nisɔndiya. other than Jesus :D, nothing touches my soul so deeply and makes me come alive so much as what i feel for Mali. i think nisɔndiya is my new favorite word - both English & Bambara. For it means joy. And that's what I have. Joy. The unspeakable joy of a Savior's love for me, and this joy of knowing, finally knowing, this is what i was created to do. i was created to live at least a year in Mali. to devote my heart and soul to ministering to these people. these beautiful people. these people that need Jesus. that need a Savior. that need someone willing to step in and show them Jesus and say they care enough to live with them, to speak like them, to dress like them, to love on their kids, to come alongside them and not thrash their living but introduce them to the One who can heal their broken hearts, mend their lives and clean them as he does with the fish the fishermen (or women :D) catch. i can't clean them. they're not mine to clean. but instead He's saying, just show them what you have. show them My love. it'll be irresistable to them. they'll want it. they'll do anything to have it. just show them. that's all I'm asking you to do. be an example of My love so that they can taste and see it too. just show them.
Friday, June 4, 2010
BEAUTIFUL MALI Part I
my eyes were glued to the screen. THIS IS MALI.
i don't know how to explain it, other than my heart is already there. it beats here in my chest, but to the sounds & sights of Mali. i-ni-cheh, kanuya. hello, love.
beautiful mali part 2 tomorrow.
i thank Him for youtube :D
oh yeah!
You know, it's when I become overwhelmed and scared about moving to Mali that I have to sit back and take a minute to realize that it's not me going by myself. HE - the awesome, amazing Creator of the universe is going to be right there by my side the ENTIRE way there. The same I AM that Moses encountered. The same One who told Joshua and the Israelites not to fear, for He is with us wherever we may go. The same One who closed the mouths of the lions for Daniel, and was with the three Hebrew boys in the fiery furnace.
Yeah, I sit there and think, 'Whoa!!! He's the same One that told me to go to Mali. And He's gonna be with me. How amazing is that?!'
So yeah, the next time you think you're all alone, just remember, He's with you. Yeah, HIM. that One :D
Yeah, I sit there and think, 'Whoa!!! He's the same One that told me to go to Mali. And He's gonna be with me. How amazing is that?!'
So yeah, the next time you think you're all alone, just remember, He's with you. Yeah, HIM. that One :D
Thursday, June 3, 2010
If you are generous with the hungry
and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
I will always show you where to go.
I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—
firm muscles, strong bones.
You'll be like a well-watered garden,
a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
-- Isaiah 58:10-11
and start giving yourselves to the down-and-out,
Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,
your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.
I will always show you where to go.
I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—
firm muscles, strong bones.
You'll be like a well-watered garden,
a gurgling spring that never runs dry.
-- Isaiah 58:10-11
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
look at him.
Nabhani. his eyes speak of hurt. of pain. of hunger. a hunger not only in his belly, but in his soul. he’s only three, but he’s lived the days of an old man. he’s seen everything. his mother, father, siblings – they’re gone. the disease has ravaged them all. he doesn’t know what breakfast is. there is no concept of a meal when you fight for your every taste. when he awakens in the morning, his search for happiness begins again. today he may eat, but the next day for food may never come. what if no one cares about him. enough to make it happen. enough to caress him with love, with food to fill his big tummy, with a taste of Jesus. what if no one cares? will you?
i'm going to sleep tonight with the cry of the Nabhani's in my mind. i'm praying not only will He send others, but that those that He sends will obey and GO so the Nabhani's will not suffer forever. but that they may taste and see His love. the joy. the strength. the Nabhani's will not wait forever. will you tell them so that they might hear? so that they might taste and see? so that they can dance with the King one day? or will you keep IT to yourself?
He never ceases to amaze me...
Oh my goodness. There's a certain thing I'm praying about, something that I just have to wait for. Something that I can do nothing about, but also something that I must keep pressing in for. I just laid out my heart before GOD, asking Him that in His timing I know He will do it, and that I just have to wait on Him and keep pursuing that relationship with him on a deeper level, keep hungering for the deeper things He has for me. I finished praying, and something told me to pick up my Bible and open it towards the back, I did and it opened up to Romans. I turned a few pages and my eyes landed on Romans 8: 24. My mind was blown away after that :D
24-25We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.
26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
29-30God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun.
31-39So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:
They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.
None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.
The details that we sometimes need to come together in our life for something don't baffle GOD. :))
24-25We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.
26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
29-30God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun.
31-39So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:
They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.
None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.
The details that we sometimes need to come together in our life for something don't baffle GOD. :))
trusting Him
GOD is creating something new in me. This person completely ready to trust Him. Just to trust Him. Not to think about everything, but just to trust Him. I want Jesus completely, not just in my heart, but I want to live my life in complete trust that He knows what He's doing with it. It's one thing to say, "yeah, I trust You", and it's another whole other thing to live like it.
Thanks for the prayers. I woke up this morning feeling complete peace. He is wrapping His arms around me and telling me, "Daughter, I love you so much more than you ever thought. This assignment, this place I've whispered to you, move there and I'll be with you. I will never leave you nor forsake you. I love you too much. My love will hold you. Even in the times when it feels like no one is there, I am there with you. When it feels like no one could possible know what you're feeling, just know that I do. I will never ask of you something that I know you can't do. With me, you'll make it. It might not always be easy, but I'm going to be right there with you."
I think I know why I didn't go up to the altar at camp that year when I first knew I was called to missions. I was scared of giving everything over to Him. It would change me, and I knew that. I was scared of change. I wasn't ready to be used by Him and to say I trusted Him. Well now I am. I'm ready. So ready.
"How lovely is Your tabernacle,
O Lord of hosts!
My soul longs, yes, even faints
For the courts of the LORD;
My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God."
Psalm 84:1-2
Thanks for the prayers. I woke up this morning feeling complete peace. He is wrapping His arms around me and telling me, "Daughter, I love you so much more than you ever thought. This assignment, this place I've whispered to you, move there and I'll be with you. I will never leave you nor forsake you. I love you too much. My love will hold you. Even in the times when it feels like no one is there, I am there with you. When it feels like no one could possible know what you're feeling, just know that I do. I will never ask of you something that I know you can't do. With me, you'll make it. It might not always be easy, but I'm going to be right there with you."
I think I know why I didn't go up to the altar at camp that year when I first knew I was called to missions. I was scared of giving everything over to Him. It would change me, and I knew that. I was scared of change. I wasn't ready to be used by Him and to say I trusted Him. Well now I am. I'm ready. So ready.
"How lovely is Your tabernacle,
O Lord of hosts!
My soul longs, yes, even faints
For the courts of the LORD;
My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God."
Psalm 84:1-2
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Giving ALL of it to Him
Okay. Here goes. I'm letting it all out. All my emotions, all the fear, nervousness, overwhelming feelings that creep up when I least expect it. All the ecstatic happy tears I cry, the excitedness, the wonderful feeling of knowing I'm finally going where He's commanded me to GO.
Still, knowing I'm doing the right thing doesn't mean I'm exempt from feeling the emotions a human normally feels. It's just something I'm learning to give to GOD. I know when I finally arrive in Mali in January I'll look back at this time and see that He GOT ME THROUGH IT, but right now I just want to cry. This is THE HARDEST thing I've EVER done in my life. I know I'm not alone, but I feel like it right now. I know He's holding my hand and that He's never going to let go. I just have to trust that through this refining fire He's with me. I just want to feel a warm embrace right now. His embrace. I know He's here with me. And we humans just have to go through the valley to get to the mountain. The desert I'm walking through is teaching me to give everything over to Him and completely trust Him. It's taking everything I have. I knew it would, but somehow I didn't think I would have to really get this involved. It hurts. GOD wants all of me, and right now I'm just learning to give ALL of it over to Him. I need to learn this, so I know I have to go through what I'm going through. I guess I just didn't expect leaving my comfort zone to change me as much as He wants to.
Still, knowing I'm doing the right thing doesn't mean I'm exempt from feeling the emotions a human normally feels. It's just something I'm learning to give to GOD. I know when I finally arrive in Mali in January I'll look back at this time and see that He GOT ME THROUGH IT, but right now I just want to cry. This is THE HARDEST thing I've EVER done in my life. I know I'm not alone, but I feel like it right now. I know He's holding my hand and that He's never going to let go. I just have to trust that through this refining fire He's with me. I just want to feel a warm embrace right now. His embrace. I know He's here with me. And we humans just have to go through the valley to get to the mountain. The desert I'm walking through is teaching me to give everything over to Him and completely trust Him. It's taking everything I have. I knew it would, but somehow I didn't think I would have to really get this involved. It hurts. GOD wants all of me, and right now I'm just learning to give ALL of it over to Him. I need to learn this, so I know I have to go through what I'm going through. I guess I just didn't expect leaving my comfort zone to change me as much as He wants to.
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