Giving ALL of it to Him

Okay. Here goes. I'm letting it all out. All my emotions, all the fear, nervousness, overwhelming feelings that creep up when I least expect it. All the ecstatic happy tears I cry, the excitedness, the wonderful feeling of knowing I'm finally going where He's commanded me to GO.
Still, knowing I'm doing the right thing doesn't mean I'm exempt from feeling the emotions a human normally feels. It's just something I'm learning to give to GOD. I know when I finally arrive in Mali in January I'll look back at this time and see that He GOT ME THROUGH IT, but right now I just want to cry. This is THE HARDEST thing I've EVER done in my life. I know I'm not alone, but I feel like it right now. I know He's holding my hand and that He's never going to let go. I just have to trust that through this refining fire He's with me. I just want to feel a warm embrace right now. His embrace. I know He's here with me. And we humans just have to go through the valley to get to the mountain. The desert I'm walking through is teaching me to give everything over to Him and completely trust Him. It's taking everything I have. I knew it would, but somehow I didn't think I would have to really get this involved. It hurts. GOD wants all of me, and right now I'm just learning to give ALL of it over to Him. I need to learn this, so I know I have to go through what I'm going through. I guess I just didn't expect leaving my comfort zone to change me as much as He wants to.